RELATIONSHIP THERAPY | BYRON BAY, BALLINA, LISMORE, TWEED HEADS
These days, I have been reckoning with my sadness often. A headache that lingered for over four days kept on pulling me back into the chambers of my pain, my loss, my fear. This morning when I looked out the window and saw the range of greenery surrounding me and I heard the birds singing so sharply, I felt that for now, I’m out of the woods. I’d been constantly worrying about things like how a simple instruction like washing your hands with soap and water would translate itself in places where there was no running water. I’d found myself ruminating on how staying at home might translate itself to those who have no home, or to those that have to go out daily to find food. I’d been ruminating with thoughts around women and children who may be trapped in the hell of domestic violence and abuse and the loneliness that triggers some people to suicide.
Every person is a teacher. Teachers are needed on all levels. Recognizing what it is that you teach, is a part of knowing who you are. Yet there is a lot of misconception we have in regards to the role of a teacher and the entanglement with the teacher’s ego and sense of separated self. We are teachers not by what we say or do but by who we are. Our response to our life lessons is the way we model what we know to be true. Our modelling evolves as we do. We are all continuously teaching and learning. We serve this purpose whether we are conscious of it or not.
What is it that I am truly teaching? I know that my lesson at present is around making judgements. Every time I look at my partner, I can see it so clearly. Am I willing to let go of that? I whisper these questions quietly as they are admissions of my own shortcomings. But what is it that I teach as a relationship counsellor? Shouldn’t I be practicing my own sweet advice?
When I was talking to my friend yesterday afternoon in between two Zoom meetings, I found myself saying that I felt a sense of stepping into leadership.
This of course is not a one-time event but rather a process that has been going on throughout my life. What’s new is a sense of realization that this is now ‘my shift’. I can no longer project an idea onto the future about how this will look. It is a total acceptance of being one with what is already here. My readiness does not come from my accomplishments nor from my talents. It comes from my willingness to serve. I am the one both leading and following. It is an internal dynamic within me. I realize that my primary relationship is my own internal relationship with myself. This is really all that it will ever be.
I believe that each and every one of us is meant to find the sweet spot where being appreciated and being connected meet. This is true to all relationships, not only between people but between countries as well. The 21st century paradigm shift has to be from ME to US. I believe that the confusion lies with the fear that US requires self-destruction and that shifting to US means enmeshment and loss of self. The truth is that we can only reach a sense of US if we have a differentiated self. Once we reach differentiation, I believe that we are meant to extend it towards connection. This is the extreme sport of living in these times. There is no way to avoid it or go around it. Each one of us needs to figure this one out as individuals and as a collective.
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